


Crohn's Is The Least Of My Worries

by AZFells_Books



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hospital Setting, Kidnapping, Swearing, crohn's disease, gender neutral reader, mild medical descriptions, reader has crohn's disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28506762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AZFells_Books/pseuds/AZFells_Books
Summary: Eggsy learns his partner (you) has Crohn's disease, a disorder that affects their digestive system, and immediately knows he wants to stick around and help them no matter what. Whether it be cooking for them, driving them to medical procedures, or saving them from one of his own enemies.Eggsy x gender neutral reader who also has Crohn's disease.(Heads up: The big bad in this one shot is a sex trafficker who shows some possessive tendencies but he doesn't show up till the end and his lines aren't that explicit in my opinion. Sex trafficking itself isn't explored in this fic either. Any other things that might bother people: a bit of swearing, kidnapping, hospital setting, including reader having an IV in their arm, and a nose breathing tube at one point, reader is getting a colonoscopy but it's not described at all, there's a cut away, and there is some mild descriptions about getting medicinal injections into the thighs. I think that's all the stuff that could be considered triggering, if i miss any please let me know)
Relationships: Gary "Eggsy" Unwin/Reader
Kudos: 3





	Crohn's Is The Least Of My Worries

"Are you sure you're going to be ok? That this plan will work?" Eggsy asked yet again.

"Yes. I'm sure." (Y/N) repeated, smiling.

"What did the doctor say?" Eggsy was fidgeting in his chair.

"We checked in with him 3 times last week, and just now before he left the room.

"Sweetie, I'll be fine, you'll be fine." His partner reached out and squeezed his knee.

"Everything will be fine. This isn't my first colonoscopy you know."

"This is mine... And I'm not even getting it." His eyes looked anxiously over his partner's body, clothed in a hospital gown, and sitting up in their bed. Their bare legs were wrapped up in a warm blanket the nurse just dropped off (she offered one to Eggsy too which he politely turned down) and in their right arm, an IV was inserted and taped down. This was all so new to Eggsy. Except he kept reminding himself this wasn't for (Y/N). It was about a month ago now that (Y/N) first told him that they had Crohn's disease.

"Basically my immune system is.. confused and when left to its own devices, it will attack healthy cells in my digestive system." As they explained it, 3 thoughts went through Eggsy's head.

The first thought that came across his mind was _"...Oh, that explains everything."_ There were several things about (Y/N) that confused him. For one, (Y/N) was on a strange restrictive diet that Eggsy didn't understand. When he asked about it, all they said was: "Oh, it's to help my stomach... I'm gluten-free." It was technically true but it wasn't the whole truth. Turns out that to help balance their Crohn's they were gluten-free, sugar-free, and so much more. On top of the weird diet, Eggsy also noticed band-aids on their thighs a lot. When asked about it at the time, his partner just assured him they fell and hurt their thighs.

 _"That does not make a lick of sense to me, but I'm not gonna push it, for now, this might be a personal thing."_ Turns out Eggsy was correct. Later, he was informed that the band-aids were there because (Y/N)'s medicine was an injection that they would administer into their thighs every couple of weeks. He was impressed but also worried the first time he saw them administer it. Despite (Y/N) assuring him at this point, it didn't hurt, it looked like it did.

"It hurts a little but I'm used to it." They shrugged. "After all I've been doing this for years."

"That kinda makes me feel worse." He confessed. There were some cuddle sessions after that when (Y/N) wore shorts that exposed their thighs that he would lean and kiss them. It would always make (Y/N) blush.

The second thought that went through Eggsy's head upon first learning about (Y/N)'s Crohn's was how he needed to protect his partner. He didn't know how but he knew that if any of his enemies got a hold of them and learned of their medical problems, they could use that against him. The thought terrified him and he's been protective of (Y/N) ever since.

The third thought was how he needed to learn how to help them in any way shape or form. These two hadn't been dating for long but Eggsy knew he was in for the long haul. A month later he asked (Y/N) to move in with him and learned everything he could about helping his sweetheart. Learned how to cook for their restrictive needs, how to give their injections, he even frequently attended doctor visits with them and took notes when he felt it needed. So when (Y/N) came to him saying that their doctor requested to perform a colonoscopy on them, and they needed someone to drive them home, he was already standing and getting his keys. To which (Y/N) let out a relieved laugh and had to sit him down again and inform him the actual procedure wouldn't be for a couple of weeks.

"Are you flaring up?" He asked, eyebrows knitted together. They were at the dinner table, (Y/N) standing over a concerned Eggsy as he sipped his morning coffee.

"It's just like a check-up," (Y/N) assured."When Crohn's patients get to a certain age they start getting colonoscopies more regularly. But since I'll be under anesthesia they are requesting I have a driver with me."

"Babe," He smiled as he grabbed (Y/N)'s hands and pulled them in between his legs. "I would be honored to be your double D."

"My what now?" They giggled out.

"Designated driver. Ya know? Because you'll be under the influence of..." He playfully darted his eyes around the room. "Drugs." He whispered out. (Y/N) laughed as they bent down and kissed their boyfriend.

"Thank you."

Things, of course, had to get complicated though. Kingsman had informed Eggsy of an important mission taking place on the same day, during the same time of (Y/N)'s colonoscopy. He couldn't be there during the actual procedure, but if he was quick he could be back in time to pick them up. Harry and Merlin had met (Y/N) and were aware of their and Eggsy's relationship. Though they weren't thrilled to hear Eggsy developed a relationship, those feelings diminished when they actually met (Y/N). But that didn't change the fact that an important mission was about to go down, they were so close to catching Albert Alder, a terrible man they've been tracking for months, and they needed Eggsy's help. His own personal relationship was gonna have to be put to the side for now. (Y/N) was confused as to why Eggsy couldn't be at the hospital during the procedure, afraid because it was too late to reschedule, but Eggsy assured them he could pick them up afterward.

"If you don't mind me asking, what's going on that day for you?" The gears turned in Eggsy's head as he tried to think of an excuse that would satisfy (Y/N), and presumably their doctor, without compromising himself. That was another problem, (Y/N) didn't know what Eggsy really did. They had no idea they were dating a spy from a secret service who risked his life too often to count. He hated having to keep himself vague but he told them something really important came up at work. So, they worked around it.

"The doctor said that this time you have his permission to not be here during the actual procedure so you can do your super important errand." (Y/N) reminded him, snapping his mind back to the present. They shifted in their hospital bed, trying not to disturb their IV too much as they did so. "Just, be here afterward. I really can't get out of here any other way. You're my ride and my ticket out."

"I know luv, and I will be." He reached for their hand, leaned down, and placed a kiss on it. A couple of seconds later, a nurse came in with a small cup with a liquid in it.

"Here ya go dearie," She handed it to (Y/N). "That'll relax you before we give the anesthesia." (Y/N) sniffed the strange cup and shuttered a bit. "Bottoms up" they muttered before downing the contents. They immediately started coughing which caused Eggsy to stand abruptly and protectively asking "Are you alright luv?!"

"Yes, I'm alright...It tastes awful. Like... Stingingly artificial grape." They wrinkled their nose and stuck their tongue out as he relaxed just a bit. Eggsy looked down at his watch.

"About time?" (Y/N) asked.

"Yea, I'm sorry darlin'."

"That's ok. Do what you gotta do." Eggsy stared lovingly at them, for a brief second wondering how he got so lucky as to have such an understanding partner. He leaned over the bed handles and planted a kiss on his love's lips. It ended too soon, as Eggsy leaned back smacking his lips.

"You're right, that is awful." He stated, wrinkling his own nose. His partner smiled lovingly.

"Be back here soon. I will be too tired to think let alone drive or even use public transportation!"

"Of course. See you soon." He looked up to the nurse who was getting equipment ready to take vitals. "Take care of them will ya?"

"Of course Mr. Unwin," She nodded. "They are in good hands."

With that, Eggsy exited the room, trying not to run down the halls but he was running late.

"Everything looked fine." Dr. Flynn stated to the nurse as they looked onto a still sleeping (Y/N). Their mouth hung open a bit and there was a thin tube laced around their ears that connected to a bit in their nose. "They are still in remission and I couldn't find anything to be concerned about. It might be a good idea to call Mr. Unwin to let him know they're ready to go."

"Of course doc." Both personnel left the room, the nurse promising the sleeping (Y/N) she will be back in a bit. For a few moments, all that was heard in (Y/N)'s room was the beeping of several monitors and their steady breathing. But soon, there were footsteps leading to the door, and then the sounds of the door opening.

And soon a man stood over the sleeping patient.

But not the right man.

"Brilliant work you two." Merlin congratulated as Eggsy and Roxy dove into the car and sped out. He sat at his computer, getting a route back, giving directions to them through the comms. The mission was ending right on time, causing Eggsy to smile. Even despite the gunfire aiming towards him and Roxy, all henchmen cursing him out in particular.

"That was a lot easier than I thought it would be." He chuckled, opening his briefcase to examine a small gem sitting peacefully in the center. According to the files, this small diamond held the secret information of a famous sex trafficker's various locations. He had eluded the police and Scotland yard, but now that Kingsman had his potential hiding spots there wasn't any place he could hide now.

"Helps that a majority of this mission was already done." Roxy sighed, driving out of the way of danger.

"Yea, you're welcome on that by the way." Merlin scoffed over the comms. "Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had in order to track this down and ensuring I wasn't leaving a trail?"

"You're not the only one who did shit for this one bruv." Eggsy smiled. "Man those guys hated me."

"You really love the attention of any kind don't you?" Roxy rolled her eyes.

"Yes, yes I do," Eggsy stated. Right at that moment, he got a phone call. Eggsy answered immediately when he saw it was the hospital calling.

"Hullo?"

"Mr. Unwin? (Y/N) is all done. They did very well!" Eggsy's cocky smile was replaced by a loving one.

 _"That's my lil fighter."_ He thought. "They ready to go?"

"They're not awake yet but they should be in the next half hour. I would get over here as soon as you could."

"Of course. I will see you soon."

"Likewise. Thank you." With that, the call ended.

"Time to go get the love interest?" Roxy asked. She hadn't met (Y/N) yet but had heard so many wonderful things that she really wanted to.

"Oh yes, step on it Rox! I wanna be there as they wake up!" Eggsy called.

"Do not do that! Observe the speed limit." Warned Merlin, however, he was largely ignored.

As he jogged up to their room, he thought about all the things he wanted to do. He wanted kisses, hugs, but ultimately he just to hold them as they recovered from the anesthesia. That and he really wanted to hear any loopy thoughts (Y/N) would no doubt voice. They were so cute, he was so prepared to give them soft kisses. Prepared to see their sleeping figure and wait patiently by their side...

What he wasn't exactly prepared for was to enter a completely empty room. His eyebrows came together in confusion, leaning back to confirm he had the right room number. 101... this was their room alright. He walked into the room and to the bed, the covers were shoved to the side like the owner got up in a hurry.

 _"Maybe they are up and using the bathroom?"_ Eggsy wondered. He strolled to the bathroom door, bringing up his knuckles to knock on it. But as he did, the door creaked open to reveal it too was empty. Now Eggsy was getting concerned. Where could they have gone? He walked around the room, looking for clues and getting increasingly more anxious. The only thing he found was the plastic bag that held (Y/N)'s old clothes and belongings. Except for a quick rummage around that told him their cell phone wasn't in there.

"That's it." He decided, taking out his phone and calling (Y/N)'s.

Ring.... Ring....

"You better fucking pick up." To his relief, it was picked up on the third ring. "(Y/N), thank fuck, where did you get off to?"

"Hello Galahad," A dark gruff voice greeted Eggsy, sending fear to course through his body. "Sorry to disappoint you that I'm not the love of your life."

"Where are they?" Eggsy asked through gritted teeth as he recognized the voice immediately. It was Albert Alder, the sex trafficker he just worked so hard to catch.

"Oh don't worry, they are safe... For now." In an abandoned building across the street, unbeknownst to Eggsy, there was a man with ruffled graying hair and a black goatee. He held (Y/N)'s phone in his hand as he looked to the owner. Their head was hung low but their breathing was steady, they were still passed out from the procedure.

"I've been an absolute gentleman to them Galahad, I even took their IV and nose tubes out." He walked over to his captive, still wearing their hospital gown, hands tied to the arms of the wheelchair they sat in. Alder held (Y/N)'s chin and tilted their head up to examine them. They were mumbling a bit through a cloth gag, nose wrinkling, and eyelids squeezing tighter. The patient was in the process of waking up. "Gotta say, you managed to get a stunning specimen Galahad. I can see why you keep them around."

"You better not touch them you fuck." Eggsy gripped his phone so hard he thought he might break it.

"Haven't yet my boy. However, from here on out how 'fine' and 'safe' they stay will be up to you."

"What do you want?"

"What's mine," Alder growled. "We seem to have each other's possessions. You have something that belongs to me, and I have someone that's yours. Let's exchange. I know it took you a long time to get that little diamond but it's time to give it back. If not-" A rough smack could be heard over the phone as Alder sharply snapped "Wake up" making Eggsy flinch.

"Let me talk to them." He demanded.

"... I suppose I could facilitate that. Whatever gets me my diamond back." A hand roughly pulled the cloth gag out of the recovering patient's mouth. (Y/N) was utterly confused. Why couldn't they move their hands? Who was this man who just fucking slapped them? Why was it so hard to keep their eyes open?

"Welcome to the land of the conscious my dear," He put their own phone up to their ear. "It's your boyfriend darling. Your life is dangling by a thread, and that thread will cut depending on the next action he does."

"...Eggsy?" (Y/N) mumbled out.

"(Y/N)!"

"What is happening?" Everything was overwhelming them, he could tell from the way their voice cracked.

"I'm gonna get you out of there ok? I'm gonna make sure you're safe."

"What..." (Y/N)'s eyes darted around trying to figure out all this new information around them. They trusted Eggsy with their life, whatever trouble they were in they knew Eggsy would find a way out. But what was the trouble? And now that they were waking up a little more, why was Eggsy the one who had to solve it?

"What is happening?" (Y/N) pleaded again, eyes unfocused.

"Luv you're ok, stay with me. Can you tell me anything about your location?"

"... Cold, empty-"

"That's enough you little shit." Alder interrupted. He forced the gag back in (Y/N)'s mouth just as roughly. "Here's how this is going to work Agent Galahad."

"I'm all fucking ears, buddy." The only thing keeping Eggsy sane through this call was the idea that he was going to kill Alder as soon as he found the bastard.

"We are going to meet tonight for the exchange. You will bring my diamond, while I bring your lovely person. Arrive late and I kill them." He turned away from the patient, who was struggling against their restraints and looked out a window looking to the hospital he knew Eggsy was in. "Let me make this clear, it's either (Y/N) or the diamond, you don't get both my dear boy. If you pull any heroic nonsense I will either kill them or you, haven't decided which yet. I'll text you the address. Can you handle that Galahad?"

"Of course dumbass."

"I'd keep insults to a minimum."{

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when my own Crohn's disease was acting up and i wanted a really specific self-indulgent fic i could come back to when i was feeling bad. except idk how to end it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i probs will come back and finish it later when i have a better idea


End file.
